![]() Arthur Kornhaber, author of The Grandparent Guide. “It’s the only relationship in which people are crazy about one another simply because they’re breathing,” says Dr. To love ourselves, to love our souls, to learn about what love really means.The bond between children and their grandparents is obvious, heartwarming and universal. The coldness, the rejection, the taking without giving is doing us the soul-level service - teaching us to love. They are the good parent who refuses to give us what we think is love. In fact, our codependent partner takes on the greatest service of all. All you can do is set your own boundaries and do your own inner healing. And if someone wants to destroy their life rather than take responsibility, trust that this is their choice and we can not change anyone against their will. Trust, above all, that everyone has their own capacity to heal and seek healing. Unconditional love is based on all-encompassing trust. Unconditional love is a divine quality and opens our hearts to the essence of all beings. True unconditional love balances compassion with wisdom. The rationale behind this is actually quite simple: I feel inadequate, therefore, I will try to fix you. It will sound even better and more spiritual if I dress this need to fix and rescue as practicing unconditional love. Anything is better than dealing with my own pain. And yet somehow you feel unable to let go of the need to find and rescue "lost puppies" of the world. It may mean staying with someone who says he doesn't love you, tolerating drug abuse, and feeling that you are the only one who gives and contributes. The distorted love of a codependent rescuerįor many codependents, the relationship is based on trying to heal or fix someone. RELATED: How To Recognize Signs Of Mutual Abuse In Your Relationship We want to have our subconscious on board to be able to build healthy relationships instead of repeating the same trauma over and over again without knowing why. Our inner child is also the playful and joyful part of us who wants to sing, dance, and play. It may act out in ways that perplex us, but it is also a part of us that experiences love and spirituality. The inner child is in fact a part of our subconscious mind. She has the right to stay and she is welcome - she is just not allowed to decide for me. And she deserves love, acceptance, and a warm embrace. That hurt little girl who feels she doesn't cut it the way she is. Instead, we heal the inner child by accepting her as an integral part of us. The key to truly healing the wounded inner child is not to fight the harsh inner critic, nor to numb it with alcohol, food, or over-achievement. It is these deep and unprocessed wounds that cause an imbalance in relationships, either over-giving or pushing the partner away. Whoever she is, whatever she does, is simply not good enough. Her body is not good enough, her education is not good enough, she is never competent enough, and she is not young enough - or old enough. That’s what she learned, and that’s what her universe keeps reflecting back unto her, until she is healed. The unbalanced love of a codependent person comes from the wounded inner child. That child feels she is not good enough. RELATED: Why So Many Amazing Women Give Their Hearts To Unkind Men Codependency and the role of your wounded self Codependency for an empath is ultimately a projection of unconditional love that they need to learn to give themselves first. Instead, they end up feeling used and depleted. ![]() They want to give this unconditionality freely, often not realizing that they project their own ideals onto others, expecting them to return the love. They resonate strongly with unconditional love and compassion. Very often, it is empaths and sensitive souls who have a tendency to get into codependent relationships. Empaths feel the emotions of others deeply as if they were their own. But the partner will not heal and will not change, because, in the end, they are just mirrors of how we feel about ourselves. Rather than giving love to ourselves first, filling our own cup before we pour it into anyone else, we start chasing love, as if attempting to persuade our partner that we are a loving and good person. ![]() The root of this pattern most often lies in our own feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Codependent relationships have a pattern of one partner feeling like they have to rescue or heal the other, yet unable to walk out because of fear of loneliness or loss of "love." A codependent will cling and grasp to a relationship even if it is dysfunctional, abusive or otherwise not satisfying their needs. ![]() Codependency is a pattern of addiction to a relationship to the point where our own needs are put aside.
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